THE BLOOD OF PATRIOTS HOW I TOOK DOWN AN ANTI-GOVERNMENT MILITIA WITH BEER, BOUNTY HUNTING AND BADASSERY BILL FULTON AND JEANNE DEVON |
“I put myself here with my own words, and I feel horrible about that. And I hurt my family, and that’s who’s really paying, and I feel horrible about that. And this is devastating to my life, and my wife is in a position of pain and uncertainty, and I know that that is my fault. And my children, who I love with all my heart, they lost their family as a result of this, and the thing that they need the most is their parents and their home there for them while they’re growing up. And that was the most important thing in the world to me, and I was so scared that something would jeopardize that, that I wound up running into the very thing I was running away from. I hurt my family first and foremost, and I put a lot of people in fear by the things that I said, and some of the crazy stuff that was coming out of my mouth, and I see that, and I sounded horrible. I couldn’t have sounded any worse if I tried, and the more scared I got, the crazier things I started saying. And I wasn’t thinking, I was panicking, and I lost all of my composure, and created a horrible mess. You know, if I was the FBI, I would
investigate me too. I don’t blame them for that. I don’t blame anybody but
myself for starting this. But for all the crazy things I said, at the end of
the day, I knew what I needed to take care of myself, and that was to remove
myself from the situation and aggravating circumstances, and that’s what I was
trying to do. I was obsessed with that. I was terrified and living in a
nightmare I couldn’t wake up from … and it still is. It’s gotten even more now
… sitting here, waiting to get sentenced is even worse. But I felt it, and they
saw it, and they didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t know what it was, but it
was there. But one thing that I really, really want you to know is that I had
no intention of hurting anybody. I had no desire to hurt anybody. I don’t think I could have hurt anybody. I
didn’t have anger that would drive me to lash out; I had fear that drove me to
run away. And I know I said a lot of scary, intimidating things, and when I
listen to those now, I realize how serious some of the stuff I said was. But
that was emotional, fear-driven bluff. And I’ve never been in a fight in my
life. I’ve gone two years in jail now without getting into a fight, and that’s
unusual. I’ll bluff and run. All I wanted was to leave, walk away from
the situation, get away from the danger and the agitating factors and regain
composure. I knew I lost all composure and was doing extreme things to try to
get away. I am not a danger to anybody. And I want to apologize to the people I
scared. |
He’d
been in the room two minutes and I already wanted to bash my head against the
wall. Or his. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew right then we would
never get along. “OK. So, let’s leave the God talk, and
crunch some numbers, shall we?” I said, ignoring his stump speech. He showed
up almost half an hour late to an important meeting with important people and
presumed everyone was here to listen to him talk about political philosophy. |
I
guess different people have different tastes. I like to listen to and discuss
political philosophy. I also thought Randy Ruedrich did a good job as the Chair
of the Alaska Republican Party, and I would not have wanted to vote him out.